Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
