All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
