There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
