im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
