Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
