You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
