I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
