That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
