on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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