When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
