would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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