I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
