I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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