Fuck appropriateness.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
