dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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