I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Are we still banned from the library?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
