if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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