also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
