dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
