There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
