A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
