Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
