I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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