My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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