it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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