We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
