his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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