Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
