sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
