I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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