i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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