9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
