Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
