I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Vodka?
Forever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
