You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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