I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i barfeds in our rink
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
