Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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