at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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