Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
