So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
