I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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