May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
