you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
