You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
