Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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