Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We need a shit load of segways right now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
