i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
