Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
