I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
