can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
