She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
