I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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